September 11, 2002

Dear Ben:

You're only just over a year old now, and can't read this. But someday you will. And someday you'll understand what I'm trying to tell you, about last year, about September 11th.

It all happened so soon after you were born -- the day before you turned one month old. None of us will forget that day, although you were too little then to remember it now.

I had taken that first month off from work, while we all got to know each other, your mom and me and you. You were very small then and I would sing and dance around the living room with you until you fell asleep on my shoulder. You liked Paul Simon (the "mamma pajamma" song) and the Red Clay Ramblers (the "Queen of Skye"). You liked looking out the window at the traffic and the birds and the sky. You slept and ate a lot.

So September 11th was going to be my first day back at work, after spending all that time being with you and watching you sleep and holding you. I got on the subway like I usually do. But the train stopped between Brooklyn and Manhattan. The train stopped, everything stopped, because something terrible had happened at the World Trade Center.

When I was a boy (younger than you are now), and your grandpa lived in New York City, he and I and your Aunt Susie visited the World Trade Center towers together. We were so high up we were looking down on the Statue of Liberty. At that time they were the tallest buildings in the world. They were so tall that you could see them from anywhere in the city. When your mom and I came to live in New York ourselves, we could always find our way by looking to see where the towers were. They were huge, they were beautiful, and they were so much part of the skyline that we usually forgot about them.

But on that morning, while I was going back to work, some very bad men, some evil men, took control of two planes. They flew these planes into the two towers of the World Trade Center. The planes blew up. The towers fell down. Many people made it out, but a lot of people died that day.

I don't need to tell you everything that happened. You probably study it in history class now. But I want to tell you what I learned, because I lived through it.

It's not easy to explain. There are bad people in the world, Ben. There are people who believe that God wants them to kill other people. Some of them are sick and don't know what they are doing. And some of them know what they're doing, but they've convinced themselves that doing terrible things is somehow good.

They're wrong, Ben. There's no good reason for what those men did. God doesn't want us to kill each other. Maybe by the time you're reading this, everyone will have figured that out, and people won't kill each other over religion or land or oil. I hope so.

But I don't want you to be afraid. That's what they wanted, for us to be afraid, to feel alone and vulnerable. But instead of being afraid and alone, we helped each other. Let me tell you what I did, and what I tried to do.

When we were stuck on the train, some smoke started coming into the subway car. Some people got very nervous and upset, but I was very calm. I knew that I was going to see you and Mom again. I knew that I had to keep a clear head, to be ready for whatever was going to come. I took off my tie and wrapped it around my head so I wouldn't breathe so much smoke. And in a calm but loud voice, I suggested that everyone sit down, because smoke rises, and put something over their mouth if they could. And some of them did.

When they finally got the train into Manhattan, the station was full of smoke. Everyone was trying to get out at the same time. I saw that one of the stairwells was empty. "There's more stairs over here!" I shouted. So some people took those stairs, which was safer than if we had all tried to use the same stairway.

When we finally got outside, the air was full of smoke and ashes. It wasn't easy to breathe, even with my tie around my face. I saw a bagel cart, abandoned on the street, and stopped to look inside. Maybe there were some napkins, and I could give them to people to breathe through. I couldn't find any, so I moved on. (Later, they were giving out masks at a hospital on the way to the bridge, so that was all right.)

I don't mean to brag about this stuff; I haven't even told anyone before now. Your dad is not a hero. I didn't rush into any burning buildings to save people. I didn't labor at Ground Zero with the rescue workers. I just tried to do the right thing, and help other people out as best I could. That's what we all did. When I got off the bridge, there were postal workers handing out water. When I got home to you and Mom, we put up a friend who was stranded. In the days after September 11th, we worked to collect and sort relief supplies at the Community Book Store on our block, which turned itself into a volunteer center.

Everyone has stories like this -- 8 million of us New Yorkers -- about how we helped someone, or someone helped us. After we'd been shown what terrible things a few people could do, it was wonderful to see that a lot of people could do a lot of good things, too.

I guess that's what I want to tell you about what happened last year. I can't make sense of why people do evil things. I can't tell you that there was a reason why all those people had to die that morning, and it's hard to accept that there was no reason at all. But what I can tell you is this: in life, you'll face a lot of crises. Some of them small, some of them big, and hopefully none as catastrophic as the attacks of 2001. But there will be times when you're not sure of what to do. My advice is this: Stay calm -- whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. And try to do the right thing. If you're not sure what the right thing is, try helping someone out.

There's so much more I want to tell you, and I hope when you're ready you'll ask me about it, and I hope that I have answers. And I hope you'll remember my story, and my advice, when there's confusion all around you. I know you'll do the right thing, son.

-- Dad

M E-L posted this on September 11, 2002
It is filed under Community, Featured Posts, Local News

It is also indexed with the following tags: Terrorism | WTC | 9/11 | New York City | Ground Zero | Ben |