Haven't they ever seen a Benetton ad ? Or looked at a Pamper's commercial ? They're even on the side of the Cheerios box now. It's official -- non-white children are very decorative. They're cute ! Your neighbors are just unamerican or something. They can loathe them once they hit 10 or so, but brown, yellow and black babies are currently officially cute.

Whoops! I see now, that's the guy's previous book. Well, the good news is that working at the country's largest book publisher makes it easy to go from the vague ideation of reading something, to having a free copy in your hot little hands, in mere minutes. I bet I'll be able to read a good chunk in the break between the A.S. Byatt reading and the Richard Price reading tonight. And a good thing, too, because if I learned anything at that "meeting" last night, it was that they aren't interested in a settlement.

Meanwhile, in regard to the children quote--either because of the context or because I am such a pessimist, I heard racism behind that, i.e. it's fine if our children play outside, but non-white children are...non-decorative.

Emily -- earlier I had recommended the more gentle book "Getting to yes" which assumes people want to reach a settlement, but shows you how to come to a good one. The second book "Getting past no" is more about trickly situations.

I love this quote:
"They [the children] are just going to play out here all day long--it's a disgrace."

It's funny, children *are* seen, more and more, as a nuisance. Fer crying out loud people -- what else is a neighborhood for ? Kids shouldn't play ? What should they do -- stay inside, eat snacks and watch TV ?

I don't live in Carroll Gardens, so I wouldn't feel right leafleting people who do. But I am a fellow Bill deBlasio constituent and I'd be quite eager to help remind him to stand up for the inclusive community values that he promoted while campaigning in the Slope. Please distribute the letter mentioned in the blog!

hey ennis,

i remember you recommending that book before. when i first posted about this on my own blog, i thought it would all blow over. no such luck. so i think i will try to track down a copy of that book.

it's too bad i didn't get a chance to read the statement i had prepared for last night. i appealed, not sarcastically, to the wisdom of both Rudolph Giuliani and God, and I think it might've gotten some traction in people's minds. too bad i wasn't allowed to talk.

e.

The other negotiation book handy for this situation is "Getting past no", which is about dealing with people who aren't very open-minded.

Way to go, Emily. Really glad to see awareness leading to activism. Speaking as someone who used to live in that neighborhood, I'm glad you're carrying on in our stead. DB

Since you're a fast reader, you may want to skim the other one as well. I don't remember how much overlap there is.

Thanks Ashley! And Ennis--that book is GOLD.

I've reprinted this over at my site.  I don't have a terribly high readership, but I suppose every little bit helps.

Children of all types are decorative in 2 dimensions. It is the inter-active 3D types that tend to upset people.

Especially if they are not like us.

My mother crossed a picket line over bussing to bring me to kindergarten in Sheapshead Bay in 1964. I lived through the Carnarsie bussing fiasco in the early 70's. In the early 80's there was a transit worker, Willie Turks, who was killed in a bias crime on Avenue X a year before the Howard Beach fiasco. Brooklyn has been multi-cultural all my life, but it has not always been tolerant.

I can't help but wonder (and I know this may not sound right): If this shelter was for battered and abused Italian women, would it be more acceptable?

I am afraid you're probably right. As a half Italian-American and virtually lifelong Brooklynite, I am deeply saddened when the paisani live down to their own worst stereotypes: provincial, small-minded, menacing. Call me self-hating, but I've seen this attitude before, and I find it drearily familiar.

Hi.
I am thrilled to find that there are others in my neighborhood who are completely appalled and embarrassed at the current "Stop the Shelter" campaign.

It's all been said before-- Carroll Gardens is a peaceful and diverse neighborhood where I've always felt completely safe and respected. What happened? I can't help but wonder (and I know this may not sound right): If this shelter was for battered and abused Italian women, would it be more acceptable? Something to think about.

Liz, that's a good point. I don't think that was the root of the conflict, but it's certainly an exacerbating factor. One of the loudest (and least articulate) opponents got into a discussion with one of our people in the street the other night, and tried to convince her that because she's only owned her coop for a few years, she should listen to him. What's next? Only allowing male landowners to vote?

I'm wondering how much of this resistance is related to the shelter itself, and how much to general frustration on the part of the long-term residents about the changes in their neighborhood in the past 5 or 6 years -- gentrification, new restaurants, late-night clubs etc. If that's the case, then maybe the shelter is bearing the brunt of this simply because the residents ARE more vulnerable -- much easier to picket than a new restaurant. Sort of the vulnerable picking on the more vulnerable.... it happens a lot on school playgrounds, why not here as well?

"If pressure is applied, they may not want to open the facility at that location."

This reminds me of why the passive voice leads to sloppy writing. The speaker here wants "pressure to be applied" and no shelter, but without taking responsibility for the action. Why not come out and say "If we scream and yell, maybe they'll back off !" ? I suspect that people are, deep inside, a bit uncomfortable with what they're doing.

Or maybe the speaker just likes the passive voice !

NS -- See, if they'd had Dr. Hemminger, they'd know not to use the passive voice, ever. (Injoke only emily will get).

SHE SITS ON THE TABLE
(Tom Paxton)


She sits on the table in a dress made of paper
Diplomas all over the wall
One university, one school of medicine
She's overwhelmed by it all
The nurse is all sympathy, voice of experience:
Let's have a look at that eye
It's going to look bad for a week, maybe more
Go on, darling, it's all right to cry

(CHORUS): How can I leave him, she is crying
What could I do, where would I go?
He didn't mean it, he will change someday
Oh, God, how he used to love me so

The doctor is busy, his manner professional
She finds she must look at the floor
He looks at her eye, at her ribs and her arm
And it seems every last inch is sore
The doctor is handsome, he smells of cologne
And his figure's athletically slim
He speaks disapprovingly: What did you do
To deserve such a beating from him?

(CHORUS)

The policeman is waiting outside in the corridor
He speaks to her as to a child
He's friends with her husband, he's angry with her
And he asks if there'll be charges filed
She says she's not sure, she needs time to recover
She feels beaten down in disgrace
The policeman asks isn't she secretly glad
For a man who'll keep her in her place

(CHORUS)

Copyright Tom Paxton

The issue of battered women really came to a head in the late 70's. Up in Burlington, Vermont, Women Helping Battered Women started in 1974. I was helping them fundraise in the early 80's.

My ex worked for a woman in the early 80's, who was an executive, a white professional up in Vermont, and was married to a professor. She told me, over and over again, how bizzare her behavior was, and how difficult it was to work for her.

Years later, she took a training course with Women Helping Battered Women to be a volunteer counselor, and came home one day from the training visibly shaken. She said that a battered woman spoke to them about the nature of abuse, and specifically about the abuse her husband inflcted upon her.

It was her former boss.

She then realized why her boss's behavior was so bizarre -- the abuse affected her professionally. And caused her to attempt suicide.

Very sad.

Just last year, a good friend of my ex-wife's was threatened by her ex and had to enter the shelter.

Tom Paxton wrote a terrific song back in the late 70's about this issue. If some of it seems dated, it is because we have come a long way since then -- except, perhaps, in Carrol Gardens.