Say this for Eliot Spitzer's judgment: it's gratifying that NY may soon have the first legally blind governor in U.S. history. Give Spitzer the "bone"-headed at least one point for choosing David Paterson as his running mate.

Maybe something good will come of this. Besides 1001 wisecracks and "Love Gov"/"Eliot Mess" headlines.

Y'know, I don't have a water cooler here in my home-based workplace. So permit me to observe among the weirder ironies in all this: Spitzer is one of maybe 347 males in NY state ever to have learned that inducing a prostitute to cross state lines is a greater crime--a *federal felony*--than picking her up on the street corner.

And maybe the only one to discover that detail before getting arrested. (Granted, I'm just presuming that someone who has prosecuted two prostitution rings would have absorbed this....)

From the wisecracks: my wife's pal Bill Bragin observes that it's a shame that Spitzer couldn't stick to his campaign promises—the governor at least could have patronized a brothel from some economically depressed town upstate.

Naples Pizza Now Wall Street Pizza

Noooooooooo!

Thanks to Sandra for ruining my morning with this terrible news. What's next, renaming the Doodle "Beckwith's Bistro"? Perhaps "Post-Modern Apizza"?

Corpse Wheeled to Check-Cashing Store Leads to 2 Arrests

Just sign here, Mr. Lomax....

At least for New Yorkers:
A great plan for Governors Island and the return of the 2nd Avenue Deli!
Merry Happy Xmas, Solstice, Kwanza, (Eid) al Adha, Boxing Day, and New Years!

So the Mayor of San Fran wants to tax sugary soda. How do we feel about that? Kinda regressive. But city kids are getting fatter every year and that will put a strain on the health system of SF and the nation. But where will this slippery slope end? Taxing everything that CAN be bad for you if taken in large quantities? And if these drinks are so bad for kids why not just outlaw them? They have already banned them from some schools; why not pass a "no soda under 17" law? At least that way parents will control what their children drink.

...KKK?

"We are opposed to the ignorance and stupidity as displayed by the individuals that thumbed their nose at the area churches by continuing to use racial slurs, threats and avoided Christian deportment."

Members of one Klan group plan to protest another in Cullman. Via Cynical C where the People’s Front of Judea joke has been duly made.

Emily on the destruction of Radnor Middle School and its rifle range.

New York Is A Woman, Suzanne Vega

-----------

New York City spread herself before you
with her bangles and her spangles and her stars
you were impressed with the city so undressed
you had to go out cruising all the bars

your business trip extended through the weekend
suburban boy here for your first time
from the 27th floor above the midtown roar
you were dazzled by her beauty and her crime

and she's every girl you've seen in every movie
every dame you've ever known on late night TV
in her steam and steel is the passion you feel
endlessly
New York is a woman she'll make you cry
and to her you're just another guy

look down and see her ruined places
smoke and ash still rising to the sky
she's happy that you're here but when you disappear
she won't know that you're gone to say goodbye

and she's every girl you've seen in every movie
every dame you've ever known on late night tv
in her steam and steel is the passion you feel
desperately
New York is a woman she'll make you cry
and to her you're just another guy

-------

Listen here.

Clowns!

It was at this point that several observers reported seeing several Klan members heads exploding in rage and they stopped trying to explain to the clowns what they wanted.

Apparently the clowns fundamentally misunderstood the nature of the rally, they believed it was a clown rally and came in force to support their pointy hated brethren. To their dismay, despite their best jokes and stunts and pratfalls the Nazis and Klan refused to laugh, and indeed became enraged at the clowns misunderstanding and constant attempts to interpret the clowns instruction.

The clowns on the other hand had a great time and thought the Nazis were the funniest thing they had ever seen and the loud laughter of over 100 counter protesters greeted every attempt of the Nazis and Klan to get their message out, whatever that was.

Proving again that laughter is the best antidote to hate.

Local publishers McSweeney's are in some financial straits as their distributor went bankrupt, leaving unpaid revenues of $130,000. They're selling a bunch of stuff for cheap, auctioning off some art, etc.

Books I'd recommend: Icelander, reviewed here.

Voyage Along the Horizon, reviewed here.

The Riddle of the Traveling Skull, reviewed here.

Not yet read but on the shelf and very well reviewed: What is the What.

Or, there's always the colossal squid t-shirt. (Colossal modifying squid, not t-shirt.)

Go help! Go buy!

Via Good Magazine.

Today we went to the Circus Sunday at the Waterfront Museum in Red Hook. (Highly recommended if you've never been; it's every Sunday in June.) Afterward, as we've done for the past two years, we headed over to Steve's Authentic Key Lime Pies for some, well, Key Lime pie. I've always been a fan of the Key Lime pie, ever since my mom used to make them. Properly made, the combination of sweet and tart, graham and meringue, just adds up to delicious.

Now to get from the Waterfront Museum (really a barge) to Steve's, there are two ways. The long way is a bit of a hike, especially with two tykes. The short way goes through a park along the waterfront, and ends with a gate. Sometimes that gate's locked, and sometimes not. We decided to chance it, but the gate was locked. With delicious pie only a few yards away, it was a short matter to get us all over the gate and over to Steve's.

Steve himself happened to be sitting in front of his pie shop. He was livid. "How did you get here? Did you climb over the fence?" We admitted that we had. "How can you climb over the fence when there's a sign not to? What are you teaching your children?"

Now, if there's one thing that is guaranteed to tick me off, it's a stranger telling me how to raise my kids. Do I come in and tell Steve how to bake pies? No. Have I put my children in danger? No. So: you raise your kids, I'll raise mine, thank you very much.

We went into the shop and started looking at pies. Steve followed us, still irate that we had taken a short cut in order to purchase his wares. "You know what?" he said to his employee behind the counter. "I don't want to sell to these people. Not unless they come back the right way."

Well, Steve, you don't want to sell me your pies, and as of now, I don't want to buy them. We went to Baked instead, which was quite delicious, thankyouverymuch. On the way, I gave Ben an important moral lesson: Let The Punishment Fit The Crime. If Steve wants to punish fence-jumpers (and it's not his fence) by refusing them service, it seems out of proportion to me.

I was at this Yankees game yesterday. What an ending!

So reports NewYorkology. Dammit, where's the good news?! Wilkinson, get me a good news story stat!

Oh hell. I'm just going to have to look at some kittens and puppies to make me feel better.

Let's hope that Sludgie the Whale doesn't swallow one while he cavorts in the Gowanus Canal. Welcome to Brooklyn, Sludgie!

And because we all need some lighter news today, Colin sent this over:

Seattle man charged in bizarre duck case

As opposed to, you know, those normal cases involving shoplifting, assault, and ducks.

Area girl calls 911 to report grandpa cheating at cards. Via Obscure Store.

1. We are not here to listen to your music. If I wanted to listen to music I would bring my own. Turn it down.

2. Turning off your wifi connection to "save power" is a really dumb idea. I'm looking at you, Tea Lounge on 10th Street. If you want to drive your customers away, I suppose that's a winning strategy.

I mean, personally there were several times when I felt like attacking a singing group, but jeez: San Francisco Police Are Criticized in Wake of Fight Involving a Yale Singing Group. It was the B.D.'s and involves a party, the national anthem, Sean Hannity, and something called "Fajitagate."

A victim of identity theft tries to rent her own apartment from the identity thief.

Smell of gas permeates midtown today, our office smells of it. Trying not to get headache. Or panic. Fairly calm, actually, although they evacuated Macy's a few blocks away.

I think I'm too tired to panic, actually.

Because I miss overhearing conversations like this one. Or this one. Ah, New York.

U Thant Island - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. I've always wondered about that.

Most Popular Story - WFMY News 2 Shoe Salesman Knocks On Wrong Door, Sets Off Crazy Chain Of Events

Greensboro, NC -- A confusing shooting case in Greensboro Friday night landed a man in the hospital.

The people involved told police a guy selling shoes knocked on the door of a vacant house on Hackett Street around 8:00pm.

The salesman says four men pulled him inside the house and locked him in a closet.

Then, the four went outside and tried to steal the shoe salesman's car. The salesman kicked his way out of the closet and used a lamp to smash his own car window as the four tried driving away and that's when they backed into a tree.

Seconds later, one of the men in the car shot at the salesman, but hit one of his buddies instead.

That gunshot victim ran onto Highway 29, got hit by a car and flagged down another car for a ride to the hospital.

But the first driver to stop refused to help him.
The second driver took him to a grocery store where he called for help.

Police are still trying to figure out who will get charged.

Via woot.

Kerim points us to "this editorial from the Johnson County Sun in Kansas explaining why they are breaking from a long tradition of endorsing Republicans in this year’s election."

The Republican Party has changed, and it has changed monumentally.

You almost cannot be a victorious traditional Republican candidate with mainstream values in Johnson County or in Kansas anymore, because these candidates never get on the ballot in the general election. They lose in low turnout primaries, where the far right shows up to vote in disproportionate numbers.

To win a Republican primary, the candidate must move to the right.

What does to-the-right mean?

It means anti-public education, though claiming to support it.

It means weak support of our universities, while praising them.

It means anti-stem cell research.

It means ridiculing global warming.

It means gay bashing. Not so much gay marriage, but just bashing gays.

It means immigrant bashing. I’m talking about the viciousness.

It means putting religion in public schools. Not just prayer.

It means mocking evolution and claiming it is not science.

It means denigrating even abstinence-based sex education.

Note, I did not say it means “anti-abortion,” because I do not find that position repugnant, at all. I respect that position.

But everything else adds up to priorities that have nothing to do with the Republican Party I once knew.

That’s why, in the absence of so-called traditional Republican candidates, the choice comes down to right-wing Republicans or conservative Democrats.

And now you know why we have been forced to move left.

In honor of the closing of CBGB's -- which, by the way, I never went to -- I played Richard Hell's "Blank Generation" really loud this morning.

On my iPod.

I am so old..